How to Overcome Debilitating Social Anxiety

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According to Wikipedia's article on social anxiety, some 13.3% of the population will suffer from it at some point in their lives. Obviously, there are degrees along this continuum, from shyness to debilitating panic at the mere thought of a social situation. This article will be primarily focused on the latter.

Steps

Understand the menace that you're facing: anxiety. What causes it? Is it social situations of a particular sort? Conversing with the opposite sex? Giving a public speech? Or is it anything and everything that puts you in the eyesight of another human being? Be clear about what specific events trigger anxiety.
Understand what responses you have become habituated to doing when you become anxious in a social situation. (I call these defense mechanisms, but they might have a different term in psychological textbooks) I used to sweat, for instance. As well, many people shut down, and stop talking to people. This can lead to a vicious circle in settings like a cocktail party, where you feel anxious, so you shut down, and then you feel even more anxious because you're standing there alone.
So, to synthesize the first two steps, you know what causes your anxiety (at least you have an idea of the general situations in which it arises), and you know how you react to escape those situations. This is when you mark out your battle plan for attacking this damn anxiety head on! What I advocate--and this worked the best for me--is a brutal routine of exposure therapy that doesn't let up until you're anxiety free. That said, it's not as "brutal" as I said, and it uses slow increments to gradually change you from being anxious in social situations to being calm, collected, and having fun in them. So, here goes! Write down a battle plan of maybe ten or so difficult social situations for you to be in.
Once you've got your list of ten (more or less, depending on what you feel like doing) tasks to challenge your anxiety, then you should try and rank them from least to most intimidating. Perhaps, if you're most afraid of trying to converse with a stranger, that should go pretty high up on your list, towards the end. Going out for a walk and saying "hi" to passers by (and maybe, if you're ambitious, talking to them for a bit!) might be an example of something a little bit lower.
Now, how exposure therapy works is that you should start slowly with the situation that you expect won't give you very much trouble at all. Maybe a casual walk around the block might do it. Now, get to it, and start walking!
While you're on your first exposure therapy, make a mental note of how you're doing in terms of social anxiety, and take a periodical measure of your anxiety on a one to ten scale. Stay out in the situation, "exposing" yourself for about forty-five minutes or so. By the conclusion of this exposure, you should recognize a significant drop in your anxiety levels. This is good! Keep up the good work!
Now, are you ready to go onto the next levels up? Well, not so fast...how did you feel with the first exposure? Did you feel slightly anxious at the end of the session? Somewhat anxious? Or totally calm? Unless you said "yes" to the third question, I'd recommend you do the same exercise again, until you feel completely at ease in the situation. Then, and only then! Progress to the next rungs higher up.
Keep following this plan of exposures to progressively higher anxiety-provoking situations until you reach the summit of being calm and collected in what you used to think was so flipping scary. Hopefully, with enough time and practice you will achieve the phenomenal success that I have felt from using this simple technique. Good luck, and never forget that you aren't the only one that's dealing with these issues. I'm one of them, and there are many, many more of us out there!

Tips

Meditation and/or deep breathing relaxation practices may help you with exposure therapy.
The whole point of exposure therapy is to expose oneself to an anxiety-provoking situation, and then stay in that situation until the defensive mechanisms and anxiety subside. The technical reasoning behind this is that socially anxious people have paired social situations-->anxiety. This is broken by this practice...after you do it frequently enough, the new pair is formed whereby social situations-->calmness and fun.
When you get into the higher steps of exposure therapy, it isn't uncommon for there to be significant anxiety that hinders your ability to want to stay in the situation. Regardless of these feelings, try to maintain control with deep breathing and relax for a brief moment. Stay in the social situation, and the anxiety will gradually dissipate.
My last word is that I wish you all the best of luck. I understand the pain, the feelings of isolation, and the loneliness that social anxiety can bring. But these techniques have worked wonders for me...and I know that if you really put your best foot forward, they will do the same for you.
PS Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies have a tremendous wealth of information on helping to solve dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors. I've left it out, but I truly think that it would be a good idea for you all to check out a book by Aaron T. Beck or someone prominent in the field and see if it might help you out even more. That said, I truly believe that exposure therapy is the best way to rectify social anxiety, bar none.

Things You'll Need

Courage to face your fears

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Sources and Citations

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